So this isn’t really a letter. This is a reflection on my feelings and thoughts. We have been here just over a month and do not regret this decision at all. I mentioned before that I would touch on my feelings at a later stage. I anticipated I would feel a great deal more broken and upset about this move when it actually arrived. Sometimes you have to admit you don’t know yourself as well as you think. I think that it would have been a lot more difficult if we had left mid-year as I was aiming for. There was more time to get closure on each aspect of our life we were leaving or finalising in South Africa. My heart and head seem to be working together for once.
It was hard finalising my chapter at my job as I had made so many friends and I was leaving the known. There were few teachers that had been there longer than me. Today it started feeling real because they all went back to work and I’m sitting at home. I wish I had been there to hear about everyone’s holidays however I can at least hear from them on WhatsApp.
Christmas was difficult as it was my families turn to spend Christmas together. They all had a lovely lunch together, but I was not there. It was great having a Skype call with all of them and seeing them happy.
Now onto my actual feelings right now. I am relieved to be here. In just one month I can already feel myself changing. Canada really makes you want to be a better person. The people are so friendly and helpful. Everyone wants to accept you and make you feel welcome. This then makes you want to help everyone around you. Sadly South Africa did not make me want to be a more pleasant person to others. I feel like I walked around trying to avoid eye contact with people I didn’t know. Here I feel guilty if I don’t greet someone.
I think that I am very blessed to have the family I have in Canada. Marg comes from a huge family and all of her siblings I met have been helpful and kind. I got to see my cousin Tara and her husband a lot and they make me feel very comfortable being me. I can relate to Tara’s fun and energetic outlook. She introduced me to almost everyone who walked into her store. It was a little overwhelming, but it made me feel really welcome in her space.
I went out for dinner with two friends from SA the night Duncan left for his business trip to Israel. While walking up the high street near them, there was a bakery that had closed for the day, but they had made too much bread, so they had a basket of French loaves with a sign to “help yourself”. This left us with a warm feeling because it was not the first time my friends had seen this kind of generosity. They had seen scarf left in a park stating you should take it if you are cold. I took a loaf and hoped to find someone on my way home that would need the meal, but sadly it was a very cold evening and I’m sure everyone had found a safe place to sleep for the night. I was able to walk home on my own at 11 pm at night and the only thing I lost was the feeling in my legs from minus 30. I love the freedom I have here.
I am sad that I have left everyone I love in SA but I know that this was the best move we could have made. Its cold but I have not felt cold like I did in SA. I can understand why people have a little summer holiday mid-Jan. It gets irritating having to make sure you packed everything for the weather outside. However, I can not say the cold is a problem. Before we came, so many people would respond to our move with “Why would you go there? It’s so cold”. Well, actually this cold is awesome. As Tara has said. You have to embrace the accessories here. Well, I have no problem with that, Legwarmers, check, a range of toques, check, fun boots, check, the pretty purple coat that is thin and lightweight and sooooo warm compared to my SA ones, check. If this is the worst Canada is going to have I’ll take it over the insecurity I had before.
I LOVE IT HERE!!!!!